Death Cafe Begins

by Linda Sollars

What a wonderful beginning to 2025 with our inaugural Jefferson Humanists Death Cafe on Saturday January 4! We had a full room of 19 very interesting and interested people discussing a variety of topics around death and dying. Thanks to everyone who invested their curiosity and their personal experiences. We covered a huge landscape, often framing global questions with individual thoughts and opinions. 

A sincere thank you to everyone who attended, for providing a comfortable and safe space for one another to be open and trusting through your willingness to explore these end of life issues. Death Cafes are about open hearts and minds addressing the great equalizer in life that we all must face someday. 

A special thank you to Karen Keeran who provided a wealth of information, including a background on death cafes and her vast expertise working with dying and death for many years. Here is the link to the fascinating article on Death Cafes published by KNUS and provided by Karen. A journalist at KUNC radio visited both the Golden and Lakewood Death Cafés in December and wrote an article that was released over New Year’s Eve and Day:  https://www.kunc.org/news/2025-01-01/getting-comfortable-with-the-uncomfortable-coloradans-gather-at-death-cafes-to-discuss-mortality.

Here is the essence of the many topics covered in the first meeting:

* We discussed what dignity means for end of life and the treatment of elders.

* The discussion on medical aid in dying (MAID) as it is clarified in Colorado. There are a number of option when setting up an advanced care plan and, as Karen said, the number one focus needs to be talking to family members about your wishes and discussing their concerns BEFORE you become ill or disabled. 

 * The crisis in caregiving was discussed from several angles, including the inability to connect with others as we age, the isolation when ill or even elderly, the need for individuals to reach out to others by phone, email, letter to stay connected. Also, the issue of families spread across the country or world, the fact that men die earlier than wmen which leaves a wife alone at end of life. What can we do, as individuals and groups, to develop ways of connecting, supporting and who is delegated as responsible (society, family, individual). 

 * Why do we shy away from those who are dying? We mentioned cultural issues, fear, inability to help, desire to focus on life rather than death. 

 * The frustration with the inability to make our own decisions about who should be responsible for making decisions at end of life, particularly if mental health issues are involved. The lack of control versus the specific and challenging requirements to determine who is “approved” to die.

 * Grief is a part of the dying and death process, for young and old, and the process or experience of grief is real and needs to be acknowledged. 

The Death Cafe meets from 1:30 – 3 PM the first Saturday of every month in the Mills behind Jefferson Unitarian Church.